Thursday, 20 June 2013

My Mr. Right; Where is He?

At the tail end of the story, Cinderella found her prince charming, and they lived happily ever after. Sleeping Beauty had been lured to bite a poisonous apple, she immediately fell under a spell; until she gets the kiss from her true love, she would never wake up from her endless sleep. Guess what happened, in the end, her prince in a shining armour appeared from nowhere, plant a deep kissed on the lips of Sleeping Beauty, she immediately woke up from her sleep, and Happily Ever After, she lived with her saving prince. You and I know what happened in Rapunzel right? yeah, her prince climbed up to the tower where Rapunzel had been arrested by her wicked mum. They both ran away to a place where they lived Happily ever After....These are the stories read to us when we were kids. These fantasy stories made us believe there is always this special man who would come to the rescue, and when he does, all our problems would be solved. It is only this Prince who can sweep us from our feet and introduce us to a love so divine, to a love we have never experienced, to a love that would even make the Greek gods of love, Eros and Cupid very envious of us.

These stories have been able to shape our idea of a perfect man who we by all means have to meet before we can actually find fulfillment in love relationships. I once asked a lady friend of mine what she hopes for in a man she would like to marry in future. Here is her list; He should be tall and handsomely crafted. He should have enough muscles with visible six packs, he should be a working man with at least a car or two, he should be loving, caring and sensitive to my pains, he should be committed and God-fearing, (almost in whispers, she said) he should have a sizable penis, and some hair on his chest. To her, this is the kind of man she could really love, so when the time comes and she doesn't get such a man or even gets someone who possess at least two or thee properties out of her  endless list, she would end up being disillusioned and disappointed. This is the point where ladies begin to ask themselves questions like "Why am I so unlucky in love?" "What did I do wrong?". Well the answer to those questions is much simpler than we think; we've done no wrong but there is no such thing like Mr. Right. It is not in our stars to find someone so perfect when we are not ourselves perfect. Our looking for prince charming would end up to be a no-show not because we did something wrong but because men are people—not fictionalized characters. it's about time we learnt to wake up from our romantic fantasy so as to find what true love really means.  As Marianne puts it, “Looking for Mr. Right leads to desperation, because there is no Mr. Right. There is no Mr. Right, because there is no Mr. Wrong. There is whoever is in front of us and the perfect lessons to be learned from that person."

Men come in different shape and in different form, it is, therefore, not wrong to look for the best. In our pursuit of looking for the man who would give a different meaning to our love life, we should be guided by the fact that men are who they are. Some might look perfect today, he might tick all the boxes of perfection but the question is, would he be this perfect forever? Changes may come along the path but it is how we work things out that would determine the life span of our relationship. There is no perfect man for us if we are not ready to stay and carve a perfect relationship for ourselves. After Michelangelo has finished carving one of his greatest work of art, someone asked him, "how were you able to carve such a beautiful angel from a marble?" Michelangelo answered; I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free." There's already an angel in the marble of the man we are living with, Let's stay and carve till we set him free.

Tuesday, 18 June 2013

Competing Our Lives Away

A tulip doesn't strive to impress anyone. It doesn't struggle to be different than a rose. It doesn't have to. It is different. And there's room in the garden for every flower. You didn't have to struggle to make your face different than anyone else's on earth. It just is. You are unique because you were created that way. Look at little children in kindergarten. They're all different without trying to be. As long as they're unselfconsciously being themselves, they can't help but shine. It's only later, when children are taught to compete, to strive to be better than others, that their natural light becomes distorted.
 -Marianne Williamson

At my first lectures at the university, a lecturer gave a speech that troubled my conscience for a long time. He said, "You are here to compete among each other to see who comes up first. During your graduation at the end of your course, those who had first class honours would be given a huge standing ovation by all the dignitaries present, cups would be lowered as you walk to the podium for your certificate. The rest of you who don't make it to the top, your names would just be mentioned without even an applause to go with it, you would walk through the crowd like a shadow, without any grace. Therefore, if you want to be recognized, you have to fight with all that is within you. Learn like there's no tomorrow, burn the night's candle and in the end, your name would be mentioned among the greatest academia." This speech replayed over and over in my mind. I begin to ask myself questions; Is that all there is to success? Can't we all succeed together? Should there always be losers and winners in all the things we do? These questions led me on to take a reflection on how our society has become so competitive to the detriment of everybody.

We were introduced to competition very early in life. As kids, we were seen as good kids only when we become first in our grade. Party would be thrown specially for us to drum home the need for every kid to be like us. Even our idea of fun has element of competition. Do you remember the "Chair Dance"? where I was, it was called Dancing Around the Chair where the chairs are always one less than the number of kids dancing around it. When the music stops, the kids scramble to sit on the chair, the one who do not get to sit on a chair is eliminated. Each round eliminates one player and one chair until finally a single triumphant winner emerges. Everyone else has lost and been excluded from play for varying lengths of time. This is our idea of how children should have fun. In effect, we have been taught that our success requires the failures of others; our fates are negatively linked. In another words, two or more individuals cannot achieve a goal at the same time. In all cases, one has to lose.

Look at what society has turned us into; natural opponents, adversaries and rivals. All the things that is suppose to entertain us are making us turned against one another. On the field of football, the team on the other side of play is called an "Opponent". . It is, therefore, difficult to maintain positive feelings about someone who is trying to make you lose. We hardly see smiles among players on the field. They would do anything to win, even if it takes hurting one another. The common meaning of the game; to entertain spectators, is lost to us until a win is gained. After winning what happens? The euphoria of victory fades very quickly. Both winners and losers wake up the next day to find they need something more than just wining. Victory is forgotten, and the next phase of life begins.  "We were taught a very bad philosophy," says Marianne Williamson, "a way of looking at the world that contradicts who we are. We were taught to think thoughts like competition, struggle, sickness, finite resources, limitation, guilt, bad, death, scarcity, and loss. We were taught that things like grades, being good enough, money, and doing things the right way, are more important than love.  We were taught that we’re separate from other people, that we have to compete to get a head, that we’re not quite good enough the way we are. We were taught to see the world the way that others had come to see it."

Life was very simple when our eyes got opened in this arena of grace. Bliss was our innocence that we didn't care a lot about what we have or what we didn't. We were so much aware of nothing than to live and let others also live. The look of my shoes didn't bother me a lot as far as I have something to cover my feet, occasionally I would walk bear footed because I believed these feet were made for walking. Ooww life was so beautiful that ugliness was so far hidden. Then things changed, a new world was raised from ideologies and beliefs of men. Our individual ways of doing things was said to be not good enough. Gradually we obliged, and our world was lost to us, forever.

Let's begin to go back to be what we used to be, let's put love in place of competition, let's begin to think we can all win is possible. That's how God made it in the beginning. Eve wasn't created to compete with Adam but to cooperate with him so together they can lord their space.  


Monday, 17 June 2013

We Were Born to Be...

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others"
-Marianne Williamson

The day we were born, we were ushered into a universe full of possibilities and an unending trail of greatness. We were meant to manipulate this universe to our will. We were meant to be the shining stars that blaze across the universe for all creatures to see. It was given to us not borrowed. we were meant to be the masters of this place called earth. The question is, what happened? What went wrong? what happened to the light that was placed in our hearts to lead us all the way?

Growing up, I was taught a lot of virtues by the grown ups. People who have been here so many years than me and of course knows the terrain more than I do. I was taught what I could do as human and what I could not. No body told me I am great the way I am. Mum would tell me, "Don't steal" as if I was born a thief. Occasionally, dad would bellow with a deep voice and goes like "respect your elders, don't insult. If you do, people might think you were not brought up well." Parents are so preoccupied with the way society thinks and behave that they forget the inborn talent we came to this world with. Everything kids do is measured in the microscopic lens of the society, to ascertain whether or not it is fit for society. In this way, parent forget to nurture the inborn qualities of their kids. Along the way, as we grow up, we become disoriented about ourselves and the quality we brought. Very few of us were lucky to be given the room to explore. Very few of us were given the space to commit our own mistakes and learn from them. Very few of us were given the atmosphere to feel that we are essentially divine because of what we are, not what we do. All of us have been molded to fit into the paradigm of society, we are therefore lost before we even begin to search for our path back home.

 As Marianne Williamson puts it "We were all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone." It is not the will of nature to see suffering among us. It is not the design of nature to make others prosper whiles others wallow in the pit of poverty and wants....Actually, nature sowed a seed in every heart, intended to germinate, grow and bear fruit to feed our individual souls. It is just unfortunate that some of us didn't water our seeds enough to ensure growth. Our seeds got rotten even before they got the chance to know the kind of fruit it should bear....That's the meaning of  our suffering. That's why we wobble along the path of life and fall along the way. Our death came before we were born.

All is not lost though, there's always a chance to get back to life...everything that was given us as kids are still within us waiting to be tapped into...All we need to do is to return to our beginning, where our innocence made us the bright light of the future. Let's forget about our fears, we were not born with one. Let's trample upon the things that hold us back from being who we meant to be. "Actually, who are you not to be?" Time to play small is over...Time to act to please others is far spent. Let's get unto our feet and make manifest of the things hidden in our heart. We too can be liberated, we too deserves to be who we were meant to be....We are because we were born to be.

Wednesday, 12 June 2013

Lullaby To The 27th Step Of September

The night's elegant strides finally ceases
Birds retire to the comfort of their nest...
With their feathers feted by the night's breeze
Draw close my love, we need not push our darkness into the corners
Succumb we need to this calling slumber...
Rest this regal flesh on the pillars of my arms
All solace and grace our beds laid, with stardust on our pillows sprinkled
Gentle sleep beckons our weary souls, just like the seagull to the seas
Life's grip on our valour slowly wanes into nothingness
Retire with me dearest, Let's make this night disappear...
With the harmonies of our passing breaths
It makes sense dear....
We are chosen for a divine purpose called love
A divine meaning into things we are less informed.
Who are we to question the intent of the maker
Who threw us here in this hallowed spot?
Who are we to blink on the celestial beauties of our hearts and dreams....
Tonight we wave into the shadows, when the dawn is broken,
When the voice of the roaster is heard out loud, love would begin again
And life would be lived once more.
A kiss to your lips, to arrest your heart into a night-full slumber
Sleep on love....
Lay would I awake and watch you thread on a golden dream.
Sweet dreams....